A Maple Tree

This morning I went for a long vigorous walk. I felt alive and refreshed breathing in the cold Novemeber morning air. I tromped through leaves covering the sidewalks, talked to dogs who barked as I walked by, I even said hello to a few other walkers. I felt good....happy....strong. At the end of my walk, as I turned a corner onto my street, I suddenly became aware of a maple tree. There it was, completely bare but a few leaves dangling from it's stick branches. It was then that I realized. That is me. I am that maple tree. I saw that the tree was bare, exposed, ugly. No one would ever look at it right now and say how beautiful it is, nor would they admire the ugly branches and sticks shadowing the sky. No, but during the summer the maple tree is covered with beautiful leaves, all bold and green, hiding the ugly branches and sticks. The tree is majestic, beautiful, admired when it has it's leaves hiding it's ugliness. That is me. I am the ugly bare tree who sometimes attempts to cover up my ugliness with what people want to see. Or maybe it is what I want people to see. I don't know.

Who am I?

I have always wanted to write a diary. But it seems that every time I would sit down and begin to write I wouldn't know what to write. It isn't that I didn't know what to say, it was that I didn't know how honest I should be or who I should write as. I guess I should explain something so you will understand. See, it seems as though I have two sides to me. I call them Good Shar and Bad Shar. Good Shar is the full-time conservative mom, the God-fearing daughter, the once devoted wife, the diabetic who does everything right, the woman who can take on anything and win and never gives up. Bad Shar is self-destructive, smokes and drinks on occasion, gives up on fighting her diabetes, has suicidal thoughts, and is purely motivated by her demanding sex drive. So as you can see it is hard to decide who to write as because I am both of these people. This blog is my way of exposing both sides of me. Then maybe you can decide whom is most truthful and real.